Monday, 13 April 2015

A letter to you on your 2nd Birthday

Dear Lukas,

Happy 2nd Birthday my precious little angel. It has been a hard day today for mummy. Its been like any other day except I have been carrying a deep sadness in my heart, I didn't want today to be like any other day, I wanted to make it special just for you, but nothing went according to plan.
I feel, infact I know that your birthday this year has been so much harder for me to process than last year, maybe its because I had distraction of family and I was busy with making everything perfect for you, you deserve nothing less than perfection my son , this year I couldn't complete that and I'm sorry. I felt so lonely and helpless, I even felt like no one thinks its a big deal now. Your first birthday was such a milestone, your 2nd birthday and every other birthday after that should be too.
I went to see you at your spot today, but it was just not the same, I cried for the first time in awhile and I remembered that long drive back from the day on your service, It took me back to that day and for a moment I felt like that nothing will ever make it better. My tears flowed for you today my baby boy.
Lukas, I hope you know how much I love you, miss you and wish to this day you were here. Happy 2nd birthday my son and I'm sorry.