Wednesday, 11 December 2013

God.

I sometimes ask myself how can I carry on with so much heartache. Today is one of those days, the pain is sometimes so unbearable, the stabbing pain into my soul leaves my heart feeling deflated. 
What have I done to deserve so much pain, is this some kind of cruel punishment from some higher being?
Is there a lesson to be learnt from all this? Well if it is, it sure has done a good job at shattering my spirit and faith that I do not know how to regain it. 

God. Your cruel. I do not want to cast my troubles to you. I do not want to pray, I do not want to hear about you, read about you or trust you.

Where were you when I prayed with all my heart and soul that day, you know that day in the hospital when my son was dying.

People say you know everything, people say you are good. I believed it too, until you took him away from us.

I was willing to trust you again, not that long ago, did you hear me pray to you to let me see my rainbow, you didn't. You took her away too.

How can you put me in this position, a position of wanting so desperately the one thing I want more then anything, another child to nurture and love, the one selfless and most human natural gift I could ever have, you have taken away all my hopes and dreams.

Please don't give me any more lessons. I cant go through all this pain again.