Saturday, 20 July 2013

A letter to Lukas

Dear Son,

I often wonder if you are safe. I ask God that he takes care of you and surrounds you with people that love you. I often wonder if the short time you spent on earth was painful and I wonder if you suffered. I hope with every tear of love I shed for you that you didn't. I'm sorry if you did. 
I often wonder if you were scared when you came into this world and had to be taken away from my arms so quickly. I hope you felt my love for you when I held you for that short moment. I wish I could know what you were feeling. I wish I could have protected you. I hope you didn't feel any pain when you had to fly away. I often wonder why you couldn't stay and I ask God why would he take such an innocent little soul away. You are the purest of souls I will ever know in my life.
I often wonder that when it is time for me to leave this earth if I will get to see you. Will you be how I remember you? Will I get a chance to mother you and see you grow? Would I get to cradle you in my arms again ? Or would you be the one to show me the way while holding my hand. I do not know what life awaits for me after my time is up in this world. But I hope with all my heart that I will get to see you again. Will you remember me? Will you recognize me? 
I often wonder if you know how much I love you. I often wonder if you know how much I miss you.
I'm sorry Lukas that you are not here. I'm sorry that you couldn't stay. I hope your safe and warm, I hope you are loved and in a beautiful place. I hope you feel happiness, joy and peace. Please know we love you very much. Please know we will never ever forget you. If I had one wish I would wish to see you again, and I wish that it may come true one day whenever that day may be.

Love Mummy.