Sunday, 9 June 2013

Emptiness

There is no other word to describe it but emptiness.
The feeling is piercing and it feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.
I have never felt it before, this feeling of longing for someone that is gone. Longing for someone that will never return. Someone that is gone forever. My baby, my child.
He will never be with me.
I will never get to see him.
I will never see his face smile or giggle.
I will never hear his cries or wipe his teary eyes.
I will never have him in my arms again.
I will never get to kiss him better.
I will never get to cuddle him and press his cheek against mine.
I will never feel his warmth, his soft baby skin.
I will never hold his hand or touch his little feet.
I will never rock him to sleep or watch him breath.
I will never watch him grow.

It wasn't meant to be like this. His room and all his wonderful things are in there waiting... but waiting for what. There is no baby.

For nines months I carried my son. I gave birth to him and he was alive, my dream came true. But it ended too soon, much too soon.

The dream turned into a nightmare.

I had him for a day but now he's gone for a life time, and now there's only this feeling...

This feeling of emptiness.