Sunday, 19 May 2013

Time standing still

It's been 5 weeks today since Lukas came into our lives outside of my womb and left too soon. For every month, week and day that passes there isn't a moment where I don't think of him. It feels like time is standing still yet it go's by so quickly. These last few days have been difficult, nights have been restless. There are so many questions. We are still to hear back from the coroner, all I know at this point is there will be a meeting coming up sometime in July with the medical team that cared for him along with the coroner. I want to know answers but I'm also dreading that day.
Why would my perfect baby just be so cruelly snatched from us? Why would he be taken away from a life where we would love him more then anything? Perinatal asphyxia due to unknown reasons: that's what the autopsy says. But why? Why did he find it hard to breath once he was cut from the umbilical cord? Could something have been picked up from the scan? Why did this happen to us? Why??? Did the docters do everything they could? What if we had left him on the machines for a little longer? Was there a chance that he could of picked up? So many questions and no answers.