I go back to work today. I'm slowly letting myself get back into routine. I'm picking up a few shifts to ease my self into it. I'm dreading the residents asking me about my baby as most of them wouldn't know what happened. I feel saddened with the fact that what I was waiting for is not here and the change we were so desperately waiting for is not the one we wanted. I feel like I should be home changing his nappies, feeding him, hearing him giggle, playing with him, teaching him, holding him, hearing him breathe and watching him sleep. But I'm not doing any of that.
It doesn't feel right. My life feels incomplete. But life has to eventually go back to normality.